So, I’m not only dealing with my own issues of ADD, anxiety, depression and a possible learning disability, but now my husband and I have finally made a decision to have our oldest child evaluated for Explosive/Inflexible behavior. We have an appointment with a psychologist next week. This has been going on since she was about 1.5 years old and we always figured she’d grow out of it. You know, the terrible twos and threes? We kept saying, “by the time she’s 4 it will get better”. Then when she turned four we started saying “well, by the time she’s 5 it will get better”. She is now 6.5 and things have not gotten better.
On a daily basis we almost feel as though we walk on eggshells trying to avoid power struggles, her very low frustration tolerance, and her emotional meltdowns, but nonetheless they are still happening. She and her little brother fight constantly and it’s often physical. I am constantly aware that we need to be very close by when they are together. We are very hands-on parents and restrict TV watching, feed our children whole grain foods, fruits and veggies, read with them daily… just trying to do all the right things. She gets herself so emotionally revved-up that her immune system isn’t as strong as most average kids – getting colds and many ear infections over the last few years. She just plain wears herself out with all of the emotional outbursts, angry rants and inflexibility if things don’t go her way. And trust me, we do say “no” to our kids – quite often actually.
I am not a meek or mild person. I consider myself low maintenance when it comes to life and I’m very down to earth so I do not see our family life as anything “average” if there even IS an “average” or typical family life. These emotional ups and downs from hour to hour or minute to minute leave us all tense and stressed and what bothers me the most is how it’s affecting our other child – our little guy who is only 3. He’s starting to do this nervous little thing when you hold him where he grabs a hold of your shirt between his thumb and pointer finger and rolls it back and forth. Sometimes if he’s not being held, he’ll do it to his own shirt. Needless to say, it all adds to my daily anxiety issues too.
The beautiful side of this child is her sweetness and amazing creativity – she’s an adorable little girl too and smart as a whip. She is equally sweet as she is angry and it often feels as though it’s one or the other – no middle-of-the-road. Oftentimes after an emotional meltdown if I talk with her after the “storm” has passed, she won’t even remember what she was raging about. I always thought that was strange.
I want her to succeed in life, and by no means do I mean making lots of money. My idea of succeeding for her and for the rest of us is having meaningful relationships with others and having friends that treat her well and being able to reach out to others if she is in need. I can only imagine that things MAY NOT get better – and I’m thinking ahead to puberty and it really scares me to think that this may get worse.
I stumbled upon this website the other night while we were researching Explosive/Inflexible children and it has some really great information if anyone needs it. The Foundation for Children with Behavioral Challenges.
There is a tool that is also explained on this site called CPS (Collaborative Problem Solving) that you can use with explosive/inflexible children. I need to read up more about it, but I will do anything it takes to bring more peace and harmony to our little family. Nobody should have to live like this.
ADD Mama 
Gosh you and I have the same everything.
I’m hoping Silas doesn’t continue with his outbursts but if they continue then we’ll for sure start him in play therapy and whatnot. You’re situation is freaking me out a bit.
I feel bad for your little one, sometimes I cry for my Isaac who gets in the way of flying fists. He doesn’t deserve it at all 😦
Was she a headbanger as a baby?? starting at around 10 months, Silas would smash his head on the floor when he was mad. It lasted quite a while…it freaked me out at first.
hi Informal Matriarch
No, my girl wasn’t a headbanger, but she’s always been a really challenging kid. She’s very smart. She’s bilingual. She was reading at age 4, very creative and fun – on her terms.
Have you had a chance to check out the Foundation for Children with Behavioral Challenges? But I would not worry too much about your little Silas, he’s still young. He could grow out of the terrible twos and threes and you may find harmony again at home.
This parenting gig is so hard because as a parent you want to do right by your kids and sometimes the answer is not easy.
Hang tight and keep doing what you are doing – you are a great Mommy!
That’s heartbreaking about your little ‘un. There’s such a lot of anxiety in your posts about whether you’re doing a good job, and that’s one thing I don’t think you have to be anxious about at all; I think your kids are exceptionally lucky to have someone with your experience as their mum.
I wonder how many intelligent, creative, and sweet – yet angry and explosive – children there are whose parents just think it’s how kids are, or tune them out entirely.
I think the very fact of your experiences give her the best chance of sucess.
Best of luck with the psychologist!
Wow! Thank you for posting this! My daughter fits the description of your daughter to a ‘T’! We learned of this behavior and diagnosis recently with another family friend. We are having my daughter tested soon. It makes perfect sense and finally, I don’t feel like “I’m over-exaggerating”! Every doctor, every therapist and every person I’ve talked to gives me the speech about “All kids act this way,” or “You’re a new mom. You just need to learn to deal with your child’s normal behavior like every other parent. Be patient.” I’m a very tolerable person, however, it pains me to see my daughter so lost in emotions beyond her control. I want her to be happy and enjoy being a child.
I was Inflexible-Explosive, and today(I’m 54), I’m still trying to figure out the paricular hang-ups that I had. People certainly couldn’t figure them out then!