tomorrow is the big day…

tomorrow, Thursday August 14th, I finally have my follow-up for my full Adult ADD assessment.  I am a little nervous and a little bit excited.  I think my fear is that maybe they will say after about 12 hours of testing on memory, achievement & IQ, learning disabilities and other qualities that are often found along with ADD – that they didn’t find anything.  In that case, it will solidify all the mental beatings I’ve been giving myself all these years and telling myself that i’m stupid, a mess-up, etc… 

but i don’t think that will be the case.

I have a feeling they will tell me this:  (I’m writing this because I want to compare what I think – to what they are going to tell me in my appointment tomorrow)

That i have Innatentive type ADD (as most girls/women with ADD)

That I have a math learning disability.

That I have problems with short-term memory.

That I have an auditory processing disability.

That I have low-grade depression or disthymia (sp?)

That I may want to consider medication for social anxiety.

 

That’s it.   THAT’S IT???!!!???   I know, crazy as it sounds… I think I function exceptionally well in today’s society if all of those things are an issue.  I was able to complete college in a hands-on, creative degree program (because i’m a visual learner) and have held down a few professional jobs for quite a few years before quitting to stay home with my kids.

My husband will be coming with as an extra set of ears because it doesn’t take much “talking” to overwhelm me and then my brain shuts down.  I am also scouring the internet tonight looking for a good digital voice recorder that I can bring to record the whole 90 minute appointment.

I will report back either tomorrow, or the next day.  :)

explosive/inflexible children – part 2

I’ve been meaning to recap our events after our visit to the psychologist with our daughter.  Things went very well.  Great therapist, great with kids – she even has 4 young adult children of her own.  Our daughter really warmed up to her, which we were worried about.  We need to make a few more appointments with her, but she suggested a few things that we are now honing in on.  One thing she said was: 

 Children do well if they can -  meaning that some skills may not yet be developed in order for certain children to fall in line with society’s idea of good behavior.  Skills such as cognitive and emotional developmental skills.

Also, she suggested a book call Parenting with Love & Logic.  We purchased it and are now listening to it on CD.  It gives a lot of great parenting tips.  But, we are also doing a little reading on our own from a book called The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene.  This book is more in line as to what we need to be reading right now, to understand what point our little girl is at in her development.  Basically, we’re learning that some kids are delayed developmentally in certain areas and some of those missing developmental skills can be frustration tolerance and coginitive flexibility skills.  These are not things that can be taught by sticker charts or any kind of extrinsic rewards systems or even time-outs.  This books suggests explosive/inflexible children know they are not supposed to scream, rant and say horrible things or hit their siblings, but often times when they are exploding – they can’t control it.  Often times our daughter will come down from a meltdown and not even realize what she was so angry about.  This is typical of children with this type of developmental delay.

We are learning.  But how do you explain to someone, like a soccer coach or a Sunday school teacher that may be in the room when your 6.5 year old is having a meltdown and they look at you as though they are thinking “wow, what a spoiled rotten child”.  How do you explain that you are doing the absolute best as a parent and your other child falls more in line with society’s expectations of children’s emotions at certain stages of their life?  How does that explain the emotional immaturity of your 6.5 year olds skills?  I haven’t met another child like my daughter even though I know they are out there.  I even discovered that there’s a support group not far from where we live for parents of explosive/inflexible kids.  I guess I need to try and have thicker skin and not worry about other parents and what they may be thinking.

My main worry is that eventually if we can’t get this under control that she may have a really hard time keeping friends in the future.  She is very social and makes friends easily now, but she is still young.  I have hope that things will get better.  I need to have hope, otherwise what else is there?

She had a much better week last week.  We were able to keep a really good bedtime schedule for the kids and it’s amazing how much that can help/hinder the meltdowns.

Also, we’ve learned from the Love and Logic books not to “hover” so much and let the kids work out their own little sibling battles.  We do keep an eye open in case things escalate too much, but my little guy has been better about sticking up for himself.  The last few days that we have backed off, both my husband and I were more calm and the kids seemed to be more calm too.  weird.

ADD Assessment – part two

So – the other day I went for my second of 4 appointments for my Adult ADD Assessment.  It was very interesting to say the least.  They had me doing numerous neuropsych screens to determine if at some time in my life there were any neurological problems … i.e. mini strokes, etc.  I’ve never had any concern that this was the issue, but it was part of the whole assessment and I guess it’s good to have it ruled out.

During the neuropsych screen I had to do things like repeat back a tapping rhythm and sticking out my tongue in three different positions as quickly as possible for 10 seconds – yeah, that was strange and the test administer prefaced it as “this is going to seem strange, but bear with me”… but I think I passed that part with flying colors.

After the neuropsych screen, I then moved on to memory testing – having to remember a drawing and re-drawing what I remembered at 3 different points during the appointment.  I don’t even remember half of what I had to do that day – how ironic, huh?  The last few years I have noticed a big decrease in my memory.  It really scares me a bit.  I can ask my husband or kids a question and then two minutes later I ask the same question again.  I think the problem lies within my short term memory.

There were a ton of math equations and word problems.  I feel as though I bombed those… fractions, square root stuff and more… thankfully I know I answered what the symbol for Pi was … 3.14.  I attempted quite a few fraction problems, but I am not confident that I completed them correctly.

At one point I sat with headphones on and the CD test they had me listen to had me repeat back sentences by the narrator, but at times during that test, there was background noise – like people talking…my downfall.   Then the narrator said 2 different sentences at the same time and I had to repeat back the one that I heard from the right ear and vice versa with the left.  My brain was completely fried after that test.  I had to concentrate really, really hard to hear the sentences above and beyond the background noise.  It was like being at a busy restaurant with my husband and trying to focus on our conversation – I get SO distracted, that he used to think I was eavesdropping on other peoples conversations, when in fact, I just couldn’t focus with all the background noise and was squirming in my seat!

I go back again on Tuesday for a QEEG Screen that will test/measure brain waves.  This is a bit controversial at the time because there is research that shows ADD brains look different than non-ADD brains.  I think there are a lot of non-believers in this form of testing for ADD.  

I figure that all bases are being covered with all of this testing that I am going through – and the best part of it is that my insurance is paying for most of it.  I had wanted to go to this particular clinic a few years ago, but I had different insurance at the time.  So, I feel as though if this assessment doesn’t show a final result of ADD or possible learning disability then maybe I can just move on with my life… or maybe I will once again go back to thinking that I really am stupid.  I can’t bear to think like that.

wrapping things up in ADD fashion

So, this weekend is coming to an end.  It was a stressful few days preparing for hosting brunch and then camping, but thankfully I have a husband who is willing to really help out with anything like food, or even cleaning.  I have to admit I am exhausted.  Must be the adrenaline crash.  I was just reading about adrenaline junkies in a book that my new on-line friend The Informal Matriarch suggested (she’s amazing, by the way) .  The book is “You mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?” by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo.  (I do not work for Amazon.com – trust me on this one.)  Go to your local library and get this book if you have ADD or think you may have ADD.  It’s great.

Another good book is “Delivered from Distraction” by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey.  Great book.  Unfortunately I read it and loved it, but loaned it to a friend and I don’t think I will be getting it back.

Although, I’m doing my typical ADD reading by picking and choosing what I read first and not being able to start from the beginning!  That pretty much defines me to a T.   I’ve never liked doing things in order, especially reading directions to put something together!  Children’s toys that need to be assembled, or furniture from IKEA freak me out a bit.  I know I can do it if I don’t have a million other things on my mind (which rarely happens).  I never really read a whole novel from cover to cover until about 3 years ago.  (Books by Jane Green and also Jennifer Weiner – chick books!) I seriously wanted to cry when I finished it because for me as a 30-something, college educated woman – it was a big accomplishment!!  I had finally found TWO authors that could keep my attention!!! 

Well, I hope all the Father’s out there had a great Father’s Day.  I think my husband did. The kiddos are in dreamland and he’s happily downstairs as I write this playing his guitar.  I would love to learn to play the guitar some day, maybe when I can finally find the balance that I need in life to be able to focus on one thing at a time.  I hope that day will come, I really, really do.

good night