still here

I’ve been pondering going back to work again full-time.  Just feeling as though being a stay-at-home Mom most days isn’t working for me anymore.  But, it’s still a thought to ponder – a very important, needing to be well thought out – thought.

Well, today I met with a psychiatrist about getting back onto some type of medication for my General & social anxiety and also my depression.  This woman does not have a very warm personality – or have any of the psychiatrists i’ve met.  She easily prescribes – which is a bit scary.  She was not at all interested in my final results of my ADD Assessment.  She is from a different clinic than my psychologist and I don’t know if she agrees with all of the testing that I had done, but we both agreed that even though I exercise regularly and eat right – it’s still not enough to keep my anxiety/depression at bay.  I will continue to exercise and eat well, but I think I also need a little boost.  I have to admit, I am not happy about having to go on any type of medication for mental health reasons, but a part of me is also relieved that I don’t have to battle this all alone.  I think I’ve been anxious and depressed at least most of my adult life… and I’m soooo tired of it.

So – today I’ve decided my new full-time job is taking good care of myself.  Why is it so hard as a Mom to put yourself first?  I don’t know.  I just know that it’s been a long time coming for me.  My husband told me last night that I need to do this – he even said “If I look stressed or cranky about you leaving to go for a run, just remind me that you need it to stay healthy (mentally & physically)”.   He knows how I am when i don’t get my exercise.  My head could start spinning at any moment – remember the movie Exorcist?  Yikes!

I am also starting a beginning ceramics class one night a week through our local community education and I can’t wait!  It will be my night away – something just for me.

Why can’t life just be easy?  Happy and carefree with no drugs involved?