parenting with Adult ADD

This is the first post in my new blog about my adventures in parenting with ADD.  Stick around, it’s going to be a fun ride.

 

Today’s “adventures” spurred my interest to get right on here and start a blog.  :) 

It all started when we arrived at the local library this morning because it is a rainy cold day – a GREAT day to be a the library.  Well, we arrived about 10 minutes early.  This particular library also has a coffee shop in it and I decided to offer my kids the chance to split a large cookie at 9:50 am (don’t worry, they had already had a nutritious breakfast) while we wait for the library doors to open.  But my oldest wasn’t so sure about the assortment of 6 different types of LARGE cookies and she continually pointed and made gestures towards the pastry counter.  I made a decision to stick to my original plan of the cookie and low and behold right there in the middle of the coffee shop & library halls my oldest decides to have a meltdown.  It’s one of those screaming/shrieking meltdowns where you just want to walk away and hope that no one realizes that it’s YOUR child making a scene as though there’s been a murder.  

Well, my oldest made the decision for me that there would be NO cookie now.  It takes this child a long time to calm down.  She has always been this way.  I call her my spirited child (not in front of her).  She and I have had long hard struggles together and frankly – I think it’s because we’re a lot alike.

After we arrived at home, I got lunch ready and called both kids into the kitchen to eat.  Well, once again – my oldest was not happy about what she saw on her plate, at the same time my preschooler gobbled it up like he hadn’t eaten for a week (of course he had, but the kid’s got an appetite)!   Meltdown #2.  I abruptly excused her from the table and told her that she needed to go to her room to calm down and that she didn’t have to eat what was in front of her, but that she would feel the hunger pains by about 3pm this afternoon.   Eventually about 10 minutes later I retrieved her from her room and told her to pick out her own lunch from the fridge that I wouldn’t be ‘making’ any more food.  I often feel like if I give in to this customized idea of meals for all – then I am simply a short order cook.  That wasn’t in my 10-15 year plan when I graduated from college 12 years ago.

Now, is that how a typical 6 year old acts?  I don’t know.  That is how MY 6 year old acts.  Is that how a typical parent would react?  That is how I react when i am tired, frustrated, annoyed and just ready to throw my hands up.  I think a lot of my frustration is that I know what i need to do to parent fairly well, consistency being one of them, but this child will go on and on and on and on and on to try to get what she wants.  She is not a troublemaker, or a rotten kid, on the contrary, she’s amazingly lovely, creative and very sweet most days.  

Then my sweet little preschooler really needed to wash up after his PB&J had created a very WIDE smile on his little face.  So we proceeded to go to the bathroom to wash up.  Mind you, this little guy loves to suck on wet washcloths.  His sister was the same when she was little.  I get quite grossed out about this notion and do everything I can to keep the used washcloths away from his reach.  He decided since he couldn’t have the little washcloth that he was going to try a different approach and use the hand towel that WAS within his reach.  I was about at my breaking point by then.  He’s having a meltdown now on the bathroom floor and I am near tears.  

I go into the kitchen to now attempt to have my lunch and sit down with my oldest.  We are now both eating yogurt with raspberries.  She sees me crying and tries to make it all better (she’s very sweet that way).  She defends me when the preschooler enters the kitchen declaring “I mad at you mommy!!”.   Where do these little beings get this type of gumption?  It’s really hard to no internalize and blame it on myself.  At what point do you just let it go and chalk it up to him being a) a preschooler and/or b) just his personality?

I have been a mom since 2001 and I still have a LONG way to go.  I still have so much more to learn and I am so jealous when i see parents out in public who can remain calm when their children are having meltdowns.  I am jealous when i think about kids that are just naturally mellow.  Is there really such a child?

I struggle daily.  I struggle with the fact that even the smallest meltdown, freak-out, yelling (kids), fighting (kids again) really overwhelms me.  I am so easily overwhelmed and then I yell, or cry, and dwell on the guilt for the rest of the day.  I often wonder how badly I am messing up my kids by my inability to cope as though I should be coping like the average person.

I struggle daily with low grade depression and generalized and social anxiety to the point where I avoid others in public places for fear that I will get tongue tied, or say something stupid or call them by the wrong name or have to shake their hand (because mine are often sweaty in social situations).  I get anxious just about every time I have to get on the telephone. 

I think i’ve said my share for today.  If you too are struggling – please drop me a comment.  I would love to hear from you.